For All My Children

I haven’t written here yet to you, not because I don’t want to, but because I’m not sure what to say, even hypothetically.

I know you’re hurt and angry. I know you’re traumatized. I know you don’t feel like you can trust me again. I know you don’t feel like you could be safe with me anymore.

I hate disappointing you, and I know disappointing is an understatement. I hate that I harmed you. Even if I never intended that harm, it happened and the wounds it left are real. And while all of you have been affected by my psychotic break, you’re the one who’s most unwilling to forgive.

But tonight during my call with Eliza, she ran into the room and showed me a drawing of some dragons. They looked really awesome so I was complimenting her, but then she told me that Winter wanted her to show me them. I know this is just s small baby step but any steps it takes to make my way back to you is worth it.

I’m going to keep showing up and doing what I need to do to earn your trust again. I’m still the mama you remember and love, I’m so sorry for how I hurt you my little love, but please know I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that doesn’t happen again.